Pretty content.

     Things have been going pretty alright, lately. I've got to make a couple phone calls to make sure that everything is set for school in January, and in the meantime just rake up as many hours as possible at work. Speaking of work, my manager totally said it was cool to wear makeup. I wore a little today, and no one seemed to put out. I'm sure as long as I keep it simple no one will get to fussy. It's just sort of nice to have that fresh breath of identity freedom. This job has been a lot better than I expected. I'm building up some self confidence, and having a pretty good time while doing so.
     This paycheck is going to be pretty decent, so I'm planning on doing a makeup haul, and in a couple weeks I'm going to do an online shopping haul. My makeup collection is dwindling so I'm ecstatic to go out and get more!
      I just wanted to post a small update, hope all of you are doing well!

Arms.

I got stars in my eyes,

The view is relaxed.

Caught in the breeze,

Awaiting the storm. 

The clock dances,

The list grows.

I got stars in my eyes,

Tired and glossed over.

Night threatens to fall,

I better wake up soon.

The clock dances,

The list grows. 

I got stars in my eyes,

The view is hazy.

Caught in a dream,

Waiting for morning.

The clock dances,

The list grows.  

Drunk Diary: Wah.

     I'm listening to Graduation by The Verve Pipe, and I'm thinking to myself that I miss so many fucking people. Funny what time does, and where we go.
    I used to want to rewind, and do everything right. I realized had I the chance, I would have ruined the experience. I'm proud of who I am, and everything I did. I just wish that connections were stronger, because friendship is important. People must have forgotten. I'm guilty too.
     I think that's all, hah.

Rearranged my room!

    I officially got accepted back into school but, unfortunately I can't attend until the Spring semester. I thought that since I would be starting school soon I could really use a desk, so I looked online and found one for a pretty decent price. I saved the link and planned on saving sixty dollars from two paychecks and then purchasing it. I told my mom that I found a desk that I liked, but before I could finish telling her about it she informed me that her friend had one for me, and that I could pick it up on Saturday. I got out of work Saturday afternoon and collected the desk. It was a bit bigger than I had imagined so I had to change my room around a little bit for it to fit. I thought I'd show you what my room looks like now, sadly I forgot to take any before pictures!

                                                           

And, that's my room! 

Richard was just too cute not to include in this, haha.

I think I'm going to try and do a small makeup haul, because It's that time where I'm low on almost everything.

up and down

    A black spot on the drinking glass, tucked away hidden; Unusable. The more I dance this tango, the more the answers seem invisible. Watered down for my protection, bullet-proof vest for my sanity. Sometimes the cracks grow wider, and more slips through; Cascading down to depths unknown. I have sense enough to know not to ever delve too deep. The mind can be a tricky place, with trap doors and riddles that can leave one stuck pondering forever.
     Curiously often tries to skim the surface, fear changes the curiosity into a kitten pawing at a bug, until a swift movement sends the cat booking for safety. It's a hidden blessing to disregard thoughts that haunt without even protruding effort. A robotic vacuum cleaner. Frustration sets in quite often, when I try to pry from the depths something that fascinates (or scares) me. Inside of my mind is an outrageously immense list of irrational fears. Silence, answering phones, spread out areas, most men... The list goes on.
      I noticed that this cluster of words is really lacking a plot. I just really felt the need to write because, like most nights anxiety has draped itself over my face. A soaking wet cloth, allowing me no air... Just this intense urge to breathe, but my lungs feel dry and empty.
     A balance would be nice. Too many dramatic highs and lows, no middle ground.

The funk.

Like a slope coated in a thick layer of soap,
With a pit promised at the very black bottom.
A mental break down brought on to break down,
Every thought that bounces inside of the brain.
I'm stuck in the middle of this old platform,
Aging and eroding more each moment.

Sometimes honesty is the most terrifying thing,
Vulnerability comes in and takes the horizon.
Where a sun should be setting or rising,
Or a dark sky should be covered in starlight.
Truth is this is growing more and more exhausting,
A battle that I don't quite understand.

Venture on, move along, do something at least.
It's kind of hard here, with the rock and hard place.
Things will grow better, if I allow myself time.
But, time is moving pretty damn fast,
Scary to think that in a blink I'm here again.
Logically I never quite got to get away.

A yawn emerges from the depths of my lungs,
And I know that soon I'll be tired enough to sleep.
Wake tomorrow with a better outlook if I'm lucky,
You see... This is my description of the funk.
It's just a day cloaked in shitty emotions,
Memories, feelings, and dead optimism.