Product review #1 NYX jumbo eye pencil.

Much like my makeup photo tutorial, I've never tried doing a product review. I thought now would be a great time to try it out seeing that my NYX jumbo eye pencil arrived! I've had a day to play around with it, and I'm very quite happy with the product! I ordered two of these pencils, both in the pigment 604 Milk.

I've tried a couple white eyeliners, and as they were effective this product blows them out of the water. It glides on smooth and a little goes quite far! This makes a wonderful eye opening liner, as well as an inner corner highlight, brow highlight, and a great base for eye shadow! I really enjoy how a light application to the waterline makes it subtle and almost natural looking. It's very blendable, and the pigment is great. I will definitely use this product a ton! 

Subtle face for the family.

Today is Easter, which means family dinners! I hate going out in public without my face at least a bit painted. I'm going to share with you a few secret tips to survive your families ridicule, perhaps a conservative granddaddy.

Step 1. Do light foundation, and very little finishing powder. This will leave your face still a bit "natural" looking, yet hide a vast majority of your imperfections.
Step 2. Line your waterline softly in white, then blend it out with your fingers so it doesn't look harsh.
Step 3. Add white eye shadow to your inner corners, then blend them out until it's just a soft flush of light.
Step 4. Use a brown or grey eye shadow and with an angle brush blend it into your lash line, blending it upwards.
Step 5. Use the same color lightly in your crease, blending it out until just a light shadow.
Step 6. Use finishing powder on a brush and use it all over the base of your eye like an eye shadow. This will make your eyes look a bit more natural, but still allowing you to have the higher crease, and the soft light on the inner corner.
Step 7. A lip balm or gloss will leave your lips moisturized and soft without adding too much color.

This is how I looked upon trying out this look. 

I hope it will help you today, or perhaps with future family holidays. 

It can be rather difficult being a lady man on family holidays, haha. 

Have a great day, everyone! 

Oh, the sting.

I checked the status of my submissions for the magazine, and both were declined. This was my first time trying something like this out, and the sting of failure is pretty bad. I'll try again, though! I was just really looking forward to proving my parents wrong, showing them that I haven't just been wasting my time... Oddly my time feels sort of wasted. It's my own fault. Perhaps I'll get it next time! :)

My second issue of the day is that my eBay stuff hasn't come in yet. I was quite looking forward to putting my old hard drive into a new laptop. ugh, I'm looking forward to bed tonight. This disappointment is on a new level.

I was thinking of perhaps doing another tutorial soon. So perhaps I'll start working on that soon.

The joy of painting.

I'll be sharing the steps I endure to transform myself from an average guy, to a makeup covered lady man thing. I hope you enjoy the following pictures, as well as maybe learn something out of my routine. :) 

The first step of course is to start off with a clean canvas. (Oliver says hello).

Then you're going to want to brush and dry the hair. Followed by either curling or straightening.

Once that is done you're going to want to moisturize and get the mop out of your face so you start with your makeup. 

For foundations I use Revlon Colorstay, in shade 110 ivory, and for a highlight I use L'Oreal true match in ivory as well. 

I use Covergirl translucent powder all over the face, and a light Maybeline powder for a highlight. 

 I use Maybeline color tattoo 05 too cool all over my lid and also in my inner corners, then I use the Maybeline eyestudio Amethyst Ablaze, I use the glitter on top, and then add a bit of pink right below the crease, also dabbing glitter on the white in my inner corners. 

After that I use another Maybeline pallet that has a couple light grey shades, I use the darkest of the two to create a higher crease and blend it out. I also connect the crease to my lower lash line with the same color.  

I line my eyes in black, waterline and lower lash line. Leaving space for the white to stay, as this makes the eyes appear more open and bigger. I set the eyeliner with black eye shadow, and bring a little of the black into my crease to darken the look. 

After that I blend the crease a bit better to give a smoother look, then I apply mascara and lipstick. 

Lastly, I just apply some gloss to give my lips some shimmer. 

I brushed and teased my hair, and the look was finished! 

I hope you guys liked this tutorial. 

Razor burned out.

It's come to that awful period of my two day cycle, where I must... Do that awful, terrible, painful, cruel thing to myself... I'm sure many of you know my pain. I have to shave! There is nothing I hate more than having to shave. No matter how slowly, cautiously, carefully, I still manage to hurt myself in the process. I use a good razor, I use decent shaving cream... I just absolutely hate to shave! Yet, I know that if I allow this little beard thing of mine to get any more out of control, I'm just going to hurt myself worse in the morning. So... I'm going to get that hot water running, and the moisturizer ready to slather my face after I finish tearing it apart.

On a more exciting note, tomorrow is Thirsty Thursday! I'll be going back to my regular visit to Trexx nightclub. I'm a little pissed off, cause my makeup didn't get shipped in time, but that just means I'll look more fantastic for next week.

I'd appreciate it if anyone who reads this does a little prayer for my mug, because it's about to be in pain!

Tequila diary.

Enjoying some Amanda Palmer, drinking much like a fish would.
Why? I don't quite know. I just know I enjoy this intimate downtime with myself.
Spending quality time with a great friend, and my brother. Happy? Yes, of course.
Thinking? When aren't I?... Silly question. Never quiet.
Too many cigarettes, regret in the morning.... Maybe not. I just don't usually ever not regret my previous night.
Questioning myself? Yes, yes I am. Love, life, music... Complications.

I'm thirsty so I delve deeper.
Do you ever delve deeper? I do.
Too often.
Not enough.
Just enough maybe.
We are living aren't we?
Crutches and all.

Vulnerable, bring on the life critiques, or perhaps you relate with me?
Fifty fifty would be okay, just cause I know I'm strange.

Pillows.

I am home! Relaxing among my castle of pillows. I couldn't be more content. 

My brother decided he wanted to work off some old debts so he sort of took me on a bit of an eBay gift spree, which included a highlight and contour makeup palette, a couple NYX Jumbo pencils, and... The same model laptop of mine that he broke so I can exchange hard drives! Now all I need is a digital camera and I'll be absolutely happy! 

I can't wait for Rupauls drag race tomorrow, I was thinking about perhaps writing a review of the episodes... But at the same time so many people already do that. I was also thinking about perhaps every week showing a sample of some new writing. Anything in particular you want to see? 

Perception, and onward.

Decision was made for me. Returning to the familiar, with a sort of new perception. My goals are still pretty much the same, I'm excited to go home. It's been hard being away from my giant tower of pillows. I feel the need to spend an immense amount of time alone. No human interaction at all. I know that that will not be the case upon returning home. I'll dive right back into that suffocating feeling of never having a single second totally lacking people. Even when I'm alone at home, I never feel such. The need for change is present just not acted upon, I need to cook up an equation to figure things out quicker than I have been.

On a happier note, the club was fun. I met a lot of very nice people that I can not remember. I just remember laughing, dancing, drinking, and turning a dumpster into a urinal. (One does what one must). I'm ready to go back to Trexx and make a fool out of myself. Two Thursdays missed, I feel so odd. (Just kidding) Not really, though.

My submissions to the magazine are in-progress. There's a fifty fifty chance that I could finally be published! Perhaps that will show my family that I'm serious, and perhaps they will get off my back so I can breathe. I need to breathe. Sometimes I feel like I'm caught under water, I have this odd feeling that the surface could be close.

Keep breathing.

Thursday, I'm thirsty.

I'm absolutely ready for a devilish drink. My friend and I are headed to a club that I've never been to before. It'll be nice to check out a new place, all the clubs I've been going to are getting a bit stale. Same people, same music, same discussions. I love the people that I see out, but it's just going to be nice and fresh to meet new people, possibly dance to new music, and have discussions that might just be new for me.

Waterworks, I'm coming!

Lighting is awful, but you get the idea. This glitter is going to be a bitch by the end of the night, I can feel it.

Stay or go.

It's been exactly one week since I came here to visit my friend, and I'm finding it incredibly difficult to decide whether I want to stay here, or whether I want to go back and see what I can do back at home. There are so many pros and cons towards both decisions.
The first pro of course, is being able to be with my  friend. It's been incredibly nice reconnecting with her, and getting to know the person she's been dating for all this time. Another pro is the fact that she can probably get me a job where she works. Which would be nice considering I haven't had an actual job in almost two years. It's also quiet here, which is nice for focusing on writing.
The first con has to do with the quiet, I'm not too big a fan of it. I love chaos, and being around a plethora of people. I'll be lacking that here. It seems sort of minuscule, now that I'm sitting here writing about it. It's incredibly hard to try and decide what is best for you prior to fucking up and realizing that you've made the wrong choice. I should just do the exact opposite of what I want, perhaps then I'll be on the right path and have absolutely nothing to regret. Unfortunately, like most things in life, I have no clue what I want!

I have some thinking to do.

On a greater note, I decided to submit another piece to Wilde magazine. I'm nervous to see how they feel about my writing.  

Luck of the Irish?

I did it! I put aside my anxiety and submitted two pieces of poetry to a literary magazine. I should hear back soon, hopefully they will like what I've sent. Being a bit Irish hopefully the Leprechauns will send me my own little pot of really good luck!

I'm spending my St. Patrick's day sober, watching P.S I love you. Romance movies kill me. All of them.

I could really go for a few right now, especially whilst watching this movie.

Hopefully you lovely folks are having a safe and fun St. Patty's day! 

I think I can.

   I find myself trying to decipher whether I want something, or just enjoy the idea of having it. My dreams and aspiration fill up like a bathtub, running over and leaving me more confused each time. I wish I could invest in some sort of pill or filter that could help me sort out what I actually want, and what is is that I just enjoy the idea of. 

   I enjoy the idea of moving away and starting completely over, but I know that moving away could just make everything worse. There's also a strong possibility that it could change my life in an absolutely positive way, and the only way to really know is to just go for it. Fear usually stands in my way when change is present. That nasty little itch that grows worse when scratched. I also enjoy the idea of staying right where I am, and perhaps investing more energy than I have been. That could be great. Yet, fear again sits in the corner promising me that no matter my efforts nothing will truly change. 

     Change is one of my greatest fears, it has been for as long as I can remember. It's sort of like getting comfortable in bed, drifting to sleep, and then being drenched in freezing cold ice water. At some point that uncomfortably wet feeling will go away, it just seems to take too long. I haven't been able to adjust to life since graduation, which was forever ago. I got comfortable for a while, living in the middle of nowhere, working with the mentally ill. It was nice to find a place that felt sort of like home. Leaving there was just another situation in which I couldn't adjust correctly. 

     Perhaps soon, I can figure out what I want. Perhaps I'll find a place where I feel comfortable. I think I can. 

Elsewhere is nice.

As assured, I'm posting again in the same week! Are you excited? No?... That's okay.

I've left my little town to visit another little town, it's pretty refreshing. Repetitive cycles really have been bringing me down, it's nice to have a change of scenery. I'm really considering finding a job and staying here. It's a nice environment with good people, and energy. My home is draining, and it's made clear that I'm not really wanted there anyway. Stepping stones into the right direction, perhaps? Stepping stones in any direction beats the stagnant life I've been leading. I mean, I can't fully complain. My weekends are usually filled with some sort of chaotic fun, but at the end of the day it's just me standing in the same spot, with the same people, feeling the same things I felt seven days prior. I need to breathe in and taste fresh air, I've had a sample of that breath here.

Right now I'm picking though pieces trying to figure out what I want to send to Wilde magazine. They are accepting work for their next issue, and I think I might be brave enough to try and throw myself to the wolves. I really have been feeling the need for recognition lately. My words are all I can show for the past  year and a half of my life. It would be beyond great to transition those words into something productive.

Here's a stanza from a piece I'm revising.

He was impeccable, incredible, and delectable;

But also destructive, distraught, and unreliable.

To allow him inside seemed sort of a blessing,

Riding the wave of bliss and pure hard longing.

Love was something he didn't understand,

The emotion faded as the sun descended.

Once again it was only thoughts and questions,

As it usually was between our phone calls.  

To do, or maybe not to do.

Well, I did it again.
I completely forgot that I created a blog... Today I remembered.
Hello, fellow creatures. My statistics informed me that I've had two page views... Two! My success reflects the previous year point five of my life.  It's funny how a year and a half flies by only feeling like I've slept in for a long weekend. I find myself feeling inspired to do. Do anything, do something, just do. It's not that I don't do anything. I do some stuff, such as breathing, and my obsession with writing. I also spend quite a bit of my time embarrassing myself with copious amounts of alcohol, caught in the decadent fog of my own cigarette. It's really quite fantastic, you must believe me.

The plan is to: Get a fucking job. Crazy, I know. I'm terrified of the thought though. My biggest fear is to get trapped in some sort of ordinary life, full of wrinkled regret when I'm a bitter old man-lady. I think of myself somehow having to work at a gas station until my hip gives out and I can't afford the surgery, so I'm forced to live off of uncle Sam until I'm stuffed in a box and sent into that six feet deep hole. So, I spend my time trying to avoid that horrifying dream from happening, so I do not ask for applications from gas stations, or grocery stores, fast food joints... I haven't really applied to many places at all. Perhaps I should try. Maybe I will try!

Until then, I'm going to type away.
I'm going to remember to write in this blog also.
It's going to be fantastic.