I enjoy the idea of moving away and starting completely over, but I know that moving away could just make everything worse. There's also a strong possibility that it could change my life in an absolutely positive way, and the only way to really know is to just go for it. Fear usually stands in my way when change is present. That nasty little itch that grows worse when scratched. I also enjoy the idea of staying right where I am, and perhaps investing more energy than I have been. That could be great. Yet, fear again sits in the corner promising me that no matter my efforts nothing will truly change.
Change is one of my greatest fears, it has been for as long as I can remember. It's sort of like getting comfortable in bed, drifting to sleep, and then being drenched in freezing cold ice water. At some point that uncomfortably wet feeling will go away, it just seems to take too long. I haven't been able to adjust to life since graduation, which was forever ago. I got comfortable for a while, living in the middle of nowhere, working with the mentally ill. It was nice to find a place that felt sort of like home. Leaving there was just another situation in which I couldn't adjust correctly.
Perhaps soon, I can figure out what I want. Perhaps I'll find a place where I feel comfortable. I think I can.
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