He asked me if I was a fan of the band, I blindly said yes. I was a fan of whatever he was. Upon further scrutiny I realized that the band played an anthem of mine, mostly forgotten due to the time lapse. Years seem to pass like days, I was under the impression that feelings would do the same. Being wrong upsets me, hence my frantic ability to never be right, either. He always seemed so brilliant to me, he still does at some points in our conversations. It's sort of funny how love can dissolve and return, like a sand sculpture destroyed and then rebuilt by the oceans will. Secretly, at one point I was almost to the point where surrendering to him seemed logical. That notion was lost, upon realizing that he was too familiar. Nostalgic, and noticeable like each of my mistakes. A castle build from the shards of beauty and horror, a story so recognizable that it stole the breath from my inner gallows.
I can say with a straight face that I love you more than I should. I focus far too much on what you used to be. A soul bearing so much pain and beauty that it pacified my own, and left me reaching for more. I can't blame you, it is my own fault. Had I an option to start all over, I can almost guarantee that I would find you.
Back in those days, we were both so young and silly. Straining words like muscles to appease to each other, now a bit older, I almost feel the same. My feelings don't matter all that much, because I've learned that my feelings are awful and destructive. Yet, somehow I've granted you the permission to destroy me. I sort of expect the truth from you... Get it over with, establish something or walk onward, with me on the same page as your hearts needs.
I just sort of have always seen us on the same page, a wavelength connected by our minds. I know it's foolish, be honest and let me know that I have invested too much trust in you. I have, I can feel it.
Smile, live well, and never regret anything.
And just know, that someone is always here for you.
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